Many things can make us unhappy in life. But happiness most times is about choices. We can be happy if we want to. So I’m going to share with you seven things you need to let go of right now if you must live a happier life.
Before I begin, let’s set the expectations straight here. 99% of the time you won’t find a simple fix for a life problem. But here is what I’ve discovered.
A lot of people who lead unhappy, and sometimes even chaotic lives are not supposed to be unhappy at all.
Are you unhappy? Ever met an unhappy person? Do you come from an unhappy family? Nobody enjoys life sad or angry. But what if you had a really big role to play?
What if there were things you could do right now to make yourself happier?
Most times we have excuses: a list of things, conditions, or people we want to blame for the lack of happiness in our lives. But most times we are just shifting the bug. We can be happy if we want to. I’ve seen people on wheelchairs happier than those standing around them.
This shows that oftentimes the things we allow or refuse, whether consciously or otherwise, are the things causing us to live unhappy lives. But the good news is: we can do something about it. This is true.
I’ve seen it firsthand. You enter a place filled with grudge and sadness but after spending some days or weeks, the mood changes and they just can’t bear to see you leave. What are they missing or what are they holding on to?
There are things I see in people and right inside I’m like: “you can’t be happy living like that.” Are you ready? Here are 7 Things you need to let go of right now if you must live a happier life.
But don’t just read and go away. When you find something that can work for you, pick it up and work on it till you see results. Even though it’s just a paragraph. Reading 10,000 words will do you no good if you can’t apply them to your life.
Seriously I don’t mean to bruise your ribs but you know how it is. This is a mighty culprit. I came from a stock where some people just can’t stay without talking about other people’s issues as if they don’t have problems. They make a habit of talking about what has gone wrong in someone else’s life. Some make it a point of duty to watch out for faults so they have what to talk about. If you do this, please stop. You’re never going to be happy living like that.
But how exactly does gossip affect you?
- Gossip gives a false sense of achievement. When you gossip, it makes you feel like you are better off. On the other hand, it puts you in a state where you have less energy to break out of normalcy because there is a part of you that is filled with negative stories of others. All you see is people who can’t do well, and consequently, even when you are doing badly, your subconscious mind has reason to fail because after all, according to your database of faults, other people are doing badly too.
- Gossip gives you the victim mentality. Ever had reason to complain about something? You just can’t deal with it on your own and you can’t also approach those responsible for the problem. So you decide to complain. But you go from complain to gossip which further gives you an outlet for your frustrations. Please stop! Find a solution outside gossip for the problem you face. Because you can easily go from gossiping about a single person to becoming an all-around gossip. You’ll go from solving problems to talking about it because you have unconsciously slipped into the “victim” family. When you can always talk to the people involve, get rid of a problem, and achieve more with your life.
- The biggest discomfort that comes from a life of gossip comes from the fear of karma. This has directly affected the happiness of many people. The fear that others will do to you what you also do to them. You become extremely careful about what you do, living in constant fear of making a mistake because a part of you is always thinking that others will rain fire and brimstone on you if you fail or make a mistake. Whereas others who do not gossip just go about their business freely.
I’ve been a tattler and I’ve also been a victim. Either way, it’s never pleasant. Do you want to be happier? Let go of gossip. Stop magnifying other people’s predicaments. Stop watching out for faults. Let people be. And you will find that you will also live freely without having to bother much about what people will say in their closets about you.
Gossip and its effects can tie you down because they influence your decisions. Do you know that someone who’s afraid of what others will say will always make decisions that will allow them to look good before others? Because they talk about others, they are afraid others will talk about them so they try as much as possible and sometimes go beyond their means, to look perfect. They will disregard budgets to look perfect, break relationship rules to look perfect, lie to their partners, and disregard them just to look perfect. This is most times a direct side effect of gossip. Please take steps to let go. Realise you are not perfect and let others be. I promise you there are a lot of things to talk about. In life, you see more of what you decide to focus on. Take your focus off people’s problems. And if you must talk about them, don’t do it with an agenda of destroying them before others or trying to let others know this person has a problem. Redirect your focus. Focus on other things that bring fun. Focus on things that make you a better person. Let people be.
Try this and you will find more freedom with your life. Your mind will be set free from worry. Because you won’t be constantly thinking of what others will say anymore. Want to be happy, let go of gossip.
Does this happen to you? It happens to me so many times. It still gets me now and then but I’m getting better at dealing with it. You just sit and expect very silly things to happen and when they don’t happen, you become sad.
I listen to kids and find that even as adults sometimes we still have traits of childhood in us. I’ve heard a kid say, I wish all the birds up there will just come to me so I can kill them, fry them and eat or “I can just imagine all the leaves I’m seeing now turning into minted cash.” We still do something similar as adults. But it gets really bad when we actually expect them to happen. Are you expecting wild things? Expecting someone who doesn’t even know you to somehow love you and want to die for you? Are you trying to finish a job that would take two days in a few hours and when it doesn’t happen you get so mad? For instance, it took me many hours to finish this article. And if you split them up to ease the pressure, it takes days. But initially, I expected to finish it in a couple of hours. Just because I had the ideas all lined up upstairs, a part of me thought I would just open a laptop and pour it out like I would a pail of water into a drum. I tell you what? When I couldn’t finish it the first day, I got so mad. But from the second day, I learned my lessons.
Yes, I understand the pressures of life can cause us to conjure images. But then we have to realise that the daydreams that result from pressure will never cheat nature. Are you expecting more from your spouse than you should? Are you expecting more from your children, your parents, expecting more from an apprentice, co-worker, or boss? Are you even expecting more than you should from yourself? Making unrealistic expectations can cause us to be sad when they don’t happen the way we thought. Do you want to be happier? Refine your expectations and you will find life easier to navigate. How about people who expect a very weak sports team to defeat a stronger opponent? And when it doesn’t happen they become so broken.
I’m not asking you to be a pessimist. But if you ever want to be happy, even when you want something to go a certain way, you should also learn to respect the facts that surround the situation. This will guard your expectations. Try to expect less from situations you cannot control.
Life is not a movie. Even seasonal movies these days do well to face the facts about life.
Do you want to be happier? Drop unrealistic expectations and you will be a lot happier.
I know how difficult this can be but it’s something you must learn to let go of. You are going to have to learn to forgive. Hatred eats up your joy. It’s a burden you have to release. You have to set yourself free from the burden of hate to live a happier life.
We hate most times because we’ve been offended. And so there is a part of us that satisfies our need for revenge when we hate.
It’s get’s harder when we are betrayed by someone we loved or submitted ourselves to. And if you are the emotional type, it becomes even harder.
Emotional people get completely attached to things so much that it hurts to be separated even for good reasons. This is why it hurts deeply when they get betrayed.
Want to be happier? You need to let go of hate. Whether they hurt you or not, you have to let go.
(Written by Ekemini Robert. First published on Clurse.com Continue reading below)
Three things you can do to get rid of hate
Decide now to forgive. Consciously decide to forgive the other person. If you don’t take this step it will be difficult to let go. Decide now to forgive and do the following alongside.
Takes steps to ensure you will never be hurt again. Do not leave yourself in the same situation – where people can continue to hurt you over and over again. Even when you may be a good person, if you leave yourself in that condition one day you are going to crack like popcorn. Were you hurt because you are broke? Get a job or learn some skills that can get you hired. Start solving problems to get paid. Did someone cheat on you, start buying books on relationships. Start attending seminars. Hating will only help you get hurt over and over again or worst case, make you become a pervert. No-no-no! You are better than that. The best option is to learn the skills or gather the information you need to ensure it never happens again.
Fill your life with things that will help you cushion the effects of the trauma. You need to find a way to ease the stress. Get hold of your hobbies. Surround yourself with friends. Concentrate on being a better person. Work on your gift and talents and in a little while you will find yourself feeling brand new.
Want to be happier? Get rid of hate.
Meaningless ways of Life or What People Think
Are you trying to maintain a certain lifestyle when you don’t need to? Do you have a needless drive to live, talk, or act a certain way? Get rid of all that now if you want to happier.
For every place we enter there is bound to be peer pressure. Where people form a culture of pride, sin, reckless spending, popularity, and the likes. If you find yourself there you will be expected to act, talk, and behave the same way.
Are you trying to mimic a way of life so you can fit it? You may be keeping up with a meaningless culture even when they spoil you or cause you to live beyond your means? Please stop! You will never be happy living like that. That is an extra load you do not need.
I’ve come to see a world where people develop a certain lifestyle and instead of keeping it themselves, decide to make it “the acceptable way of life” and are ready to frown at anyone who doesn’t copy them. Buddy, ignore such crap! You have every right to be yourself. If people don’t like you the way you are, they’ll never like you. Most times you are not the problem, THEY ARE the problem. Nobody really loves you for being fake or being like them. As a matter of fact you are not genuinely loved for your achievements. People who really love don’t have a reason. They don’t even mind your faults. They are there for you when you win or fail. They encourage you to do better when you don’t do well.
Stop trying to be what you are not because of what people think. That’s an extra load on your mind you don’t need.
It’s easier to be yourself than to fit a description made in someone else’s mind. Know this: If they don’t like you like that, they will never like you. This is not a license to ignore sound instructions. Ignore instructions and you will end up a complete fool. This is a strong license to be yourself. Live your life! Send biased opinions to the abyss.
Stop trying to be popular for what you are not and with things you don’t have. Be popular for what you are. Be popular with what you have. Be popular with your talents and not someone else’s. Let go of what people think, please! It’s useless.
In life, you are either the leader or the follower. You can lead them with your uniqueness: your calmness, your jovial nature, your calm approach, your optimism and positivity, your integrity, or you can allow others to lead you with whatever useless way of life they have.
Here is a quote I want you to consider: There is nobody on the planet that can better your uniqueness! Think about it. Your uniqueness makes you a pro at what you do, the way you do it.
Leave what people think. Free yourself of unnecessary behavioural “rules” and patterns. Be free. Live a life that’s going to keep you happy and free of unnecessary burden.
Want to be happy? Get rid of meaningless ways of life. Get rid of what people think.
Here’s another joy thief that people don’t notice. Like I mentioned in the introduction, there are places you enter and they find it hard to let you go. But people seem not to notice why they are happier staying with you. Truth is: there is a part of them that feels good because you respect them even when you notice their imperfections.
Want to be happy? Learn how to respect others.
Here is why people who disrespect others have a hard time being happy. The primary reason is that whatever you throw out there in life will always find its way back to you.
You can’t be happy when you sow disrespect in your relationships. A combination of everyone you relate with creates a community. Whatever you send into that community stays in that community and will always come back to you because you are part of it. Members of this community include your friends, family, children, co-workers, neighbours, etc. If you treat them badly, be rest assured that it will always bounce back on you. Want to be happy, learn to show respect. In other words, learn to treat others respectfully.
How do you talk to others? What do you say to them when they make a mistake? What do you say to them when they need help?
Most people who don’t have anyone to talk to are those who don’t speak well about others. Many who can’t share their faults with others are those who crucify people when they find a mistake.
You don’t have to sound so harsh? You don’t have to be so judgemental? Making others feel like shit when they make a mistake is going to haunt you sooner or later. Don’t forget life has a way of leaving us in a situation where we need someone to talk to or share our problems with. Doing well is a good thing, I’m not asking you to tolerate crap. But you can point people to their fault without first setting their soul on fire.
The reason most of us put ourselves through the unnecessary pressure of perfection sometimes is that we are scared of what people will say if we make a mistake. Sometimes we go as far as covering up the simplest of mistakes because we are afraid someone is going to talk to us the same way we talk to others if they find out.
Learn to treat others with care, realising they are human beings and by no means infallible. Because if you show them love and respect, they will find it hard to give you anything different. Want to be happier? Get rid of disrespect.
It’s just what it is. Sometimes the religious bias creates confusion that encourages people to continue reaping the destructive fruits of a sinful lifestyle. But the thing is: even when you don’t call it sin, you still face the same consequences. Murder, lying, and the rest of them still come with consequences. Religion or no religion we still have the same problem. Whether you go to church or not.
For instance, when you lie to a friend you break the bond once held by the trust you had. The relationship stands destroyed because the truth is: you never truly enjoy a relationship where there is no trust. That is just one instance, there are a thousand and one reasons to get rid of sin. Do you want a happier life? then get rid of sin.
The question most times is how do I stop sinning? It’s become a habit so difficult to destroy. The answer is simple: change your mind. “As if it were that easy.” It’s a lot easier when you realise how powerful the mind is. All it needs is a decision.
When I stopped staking biscuit allowances at computer games with my friends I wasn’t a church boy. I just thought “why go through so much mental stress and risk to make so little money?” I decided I won’t do it again. I told my friends and they thought I was joking. They thought I would come back to it but they did not realise that I had made a decision and it was deeply rooted in my heart. I went on to play computer games for many years as a kid without placing biscuit cash on the table when playing with my friends. I wasn’t perfect but I was over it. Why do I say I wasn’t perfect, I broke my rule on one occasion when I saw an opportunity to make simple money. I made some change from a guy who had too much confidence in his gaming abilities. But after that day, that was the end. Till today I have never looked back and will never do it.
That was one time – when I was a kid. Being an adult a lot of things happened and I needed to change my mind on all of them. Just then I found a video that would change my life forever: NOTHING AS POWERFUL AS A CHANGED MIND by Bishop T. D. Jakes. That was when I consciously learned how to use the superpower I had once used as a kid. I used it then but didn’t realise how powerful it was. Do you need to change your mind about something? Just do it. I encourage you to watch the video and accept the truth that comes with it. By the time you finish, you would have learned how to change your mind about things and never go back on your decisions.
Want to be happy? You have to let go of sin. But have you ever changed your mind about a particular sinful habit but still find yourself going back to it? Something is lacking.
When you change your mind about a particular thing but still can’t survive it you need something: The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. How do you get this grace? It’s simple. This grace is free and accessible to everyone. When you decide to change your mind about sin, accept the gift of God in Christ Jesus and you will never go back to sin again. Christ paid for sins so your slate is wiped clean. Once you repent and accept his free gift of righteousness, you instantly receive the grace of God that teaches you to say no to ungodliness and never go back to them. All you have to do is believe that Jesus paid for your sins; that you are saved from it forever and the grace is instantly given to you. It’s that simple; all that freedom is given to you for free. The bible confirms this in Acts of the Apostles 10:43 and many other portions.
A greater percentage of the time, people with empathy are the ones who fall victims of parasitic relationships. And most of them are going to be female. When you get into a relationship with people or groups of people who take too much from you yet give too little in return, it creates a problem for your life.
Whether it’s a friend in school or a group you are not supposed to belong to, a parasitic relationship will waste your resources. They take too much from you and always leave you feeling unhappy and overwhelmed. Want to be happier? get rid of them. Find a way to part ways on a friendly note so it doesn’t come back to haunt you. But whether they throw a party for you or frown at you, once your life’s data confirms a parting, do it. If you have regard for your destiny then you must learn to get rid of parasitic relationships. Some of the stress and problems we face are simply because we have refused to disconnect from what we should not be joined to. Maybe it was needful then, but is it needful now?
It’s time to sit down and have a good look at your life and get rid of the relationships taking too much from you and giving too little. In situations where you have a hard time severing a relationship because it involves a family member or it’s simply complicated, seek advice from a counsellor or mentor. You don’t want to do something you are going to regret all your life.
Want to be happier? Look into your life and get rid of parasitic relationships.
Don’t deceive yourself. Don’t let life cheat you. Don’t allow parasites and narcissists to tie you down to a life of pain and discomfort. You can be a happier person. Don’t postpone it. Take action on any of the topics mentioned above and your life will be so much better. You will end up a happier, better person.